Customs and Ordinances

Hammurabi may be recognised as the original law giver, but the Pheasants like to think that their contributions to civilisation are of greater significance and merit. Find these cultural gems below:

The Pheasant of the Year shall carry the Stick of Doom (a.k.a. The Stick of Destiny) on all official walks.
At the end of a walk, drinks shall be bought by non-drivers. Drivers get to buy drinks only if non-drivers in their rounds have already ponied up.
Instagram searches of Chihuahuas shall be kept to an absolute minimum.
Pheasant walks should aim to be circular.
Pheasant walks should pass by or end with a pub.
The blue rope on the bank near Walsingham should be traversed backwards (don’t ask).
All Pheasant falls should be loud, dramatic and be witnessed by as many Pheasants as possible.
At least two Pheasants need to be in attendance for something to be classed as a Pheasant activity, ideally more.
All Pheasants should volunteer to drive at least once a year.
When crossing muddy gated sections, correct pheasant fence riding technique is to be attempted.
Pheasants are encouraged to create a walk and lead it.
All Pheasants to be familiar with WhatsApp polls and voting.
Pheasants should promote the pheasant website.
New pheasants must be proposed by existing pheasants and aspire to be regular walk attendees.
Seeing a live pheasant on a walk or travelling to a walk should be considered a good omen, and the bird greeted as such.
Seeing a dead pheasant on a walk or travelling to a walk should be considered a bad omen, and the requisite cleansing ceremony performed.
Voting for the Picture of the Year is to remain a confusing, opaque and corrupt process.
All Pheasants to be aware of, and proficient at, the pheasant call.
Pheasants should attempt to complete a designated walk no matter of insurmountable hurdles put in their path.
Planning for yearly pheasant away weekend is to always be fraught, time consuming and stressful.
A scampi fry, bacon fry and dry roasted peanut combo are the non negotiable ingredients in a “snack de pheasant”.
All Pheasant walk deviations and unexpected wrong turns are to be logged, reported and duly ignored.
Pheasants should treat all cows with suspicion and distrust.
When a pheasant is faced with one or more cows in a field, the pheasant must act like a scared schoolgirl. As soon as other pheasants are aware of the situation they must all scatter in different directions.
All gradients above sea level are to be considered hills (the Fen boys’ mantra).
Expletives are directly proportional to the gradient of a hill (the Derbyshire mantra).
Swearing and cursing while walking uphill are encouraged, if not mandatory.
Pheasants should refrain from eating lunch prior to attempting hill walks, unless it’s quality pocket meat.
Pheasants should stick to the right hand side when walking on a road, though the left-handed Maltese gambit may be the wiser option in certain situations.
When parking, pheasants should aspire to use village halls or theological establishments. Paying for parking is strongly discouraged.
On non-circular walks pheasants should take two cars, depositing one at the end and then driving back to the start in other car. (Addendum: Following the Stibbard Unconformity of 2024, Pheasants should ensure that both ends are located on the actual walk).
Catching a bus during a Pheasant walk is considered the height of bad form and the perpetrator will warrant the maximum opprobrium.